Uninteresting Downer

I'm kind of on a downward spiral, I think. I've got too much on the mind and not enough mind to deal with it all. I know that I should work on being better, but I can feel all those commitments I made a few months ago slipping away and I honestly don't know if I have the willpower to pin them down.

Thing is, all this pisses me off. I'm depressed. I have been for a very, very long time and it's just something that comes and goes, reminds you that it owns you, then goes back into hibernation again. There's nothing for it, there's no pills, no prescriptions, nothing that really helps it.

So I just live with it.

It annoys me when it's all I can think about, though. There are times when I'm swimming and I can't focus on how many lengths I've done. There are times when I'm writing and all I can think about is that my characters aren't as miserable as me. It's pathetic, it really is.

So I need to get over it.

Easier said than done, of course. I'll think of something. I'll come up with some way to reclaim my life.

Perhaps.