Tough

There are times I've got to remind myself that I don't have it particularly tough. The main examples being that I live in a first world country that has running water, electricity and healthcare (despite a shocking amount of isolationism) and that I'm relatively healthy, still have funds and have good friends. I own my own flat, I've got my family and I was raised in a home without abuse or difficulty.

That being said... I've been told time and time again that no matter the good fortune of one's situation, it's entirely possible not to be happy. I've been told that it's acceptable for one to be downcast, depressed and unhappy about what's going on in our heads. I'm still not convinced on that part. I've always felt that I'm not at liberty to be miserable due to the situation that I live in. It's a conflict for me, I guess.

It's silly, really

This last Thursday, I sat down on the edge of my bed to put my shoes on and the beam snapped. Under my apparently colossal weight. This sent me into a funk spiral that made me question what the fuck it was I was doing with myself that allowed this to happen. I was supposed to head out to Northcroft before all that. Fortunately, I could call my Mother, who managed to cheer me up/calm me down. I'm lucky in that regard too.

So at the moment I'm living in my living room (oddly apt) and sleeping on my sofa cushions arranged on the floor (the sofa itself is just a bit too short for me). The problem is that I know myself, I'm gonna let this drag for some time because it's just another form of laziness. That's what I've got to work on, I guess.

Something of a rambling entry, I know. I guess that I just need to refocus.